Gratitude: Step 1 of the examen

We start with what we hold dear, just like the Sacred does.

We start with what matters to us and what is so special to us that we can't ignore it.

It's called gratitude and it's the first step of the examen.

Gratitude is a wellspring that bubbles up in response to being alive and recognizing there is something deep, meaningful, tender, and everlasting in the experience. It's nothing less than our natural response to meeting the Divine face-to-face. And it bakes my noodle to realize it happens in our everyday life.

The moment we give thanks, we are responding to Love's presence and acknowledging the gift of that.

It's an intimate moment when we realize that our heart is not merely declaring a preference for something when we express gratitude for it, but that our heart recognizes the Divine in that thing. It's then humbling and almost ecstatic to realize that our seeing came by invitation. (And here comes my wellspring of tears.) All this time, before we noticed and gave thanks for this thing we hold dear, Love was present and reaching out to us through it. And when we noticed, we didn't just see part of Love, we saw part of Love's character--a spilling out kind of openheartedness that asks us to recognize this abundant act as an invitation to connect.

In other words, gratitude is like a pair of glasses that lets you see Love everywhere asking if you want to hang out.

Just stew on that for a moment: The Connecting-Creating Force of the Universe expresses itself in ways you find delightful, asking if this might be a way for the two of you to be together.

How incredible is that?
Pretty incredible.

St. Ignatius used the words "savor" and "relish" when he spoke of gratitude. It's lovely in its slowness and deliberateness. It implies that what we are grateful for is a Love-given gift meant to be deeply enjoyed and carried with us. A thing we savor is a thing that lingers and expands through our senses. When we connect to Spirit, the connection grows beyond the first moment like the way you can still feel someone's arms around you even though it's been a long time since you've hugged them or the way you can hear someone laugh and say your name while you're cooking their favorite dish even when they are not there to share it. Gratitude always expands us towards more connection. No wonder Ignatius savored it.

It's true that the examen is about reflection and self-discovery, but it is about doing that in the context of being with Love, being in Love. The examen is a personal, sacred, and ordinary conversation we have between our heart and Love everyday. Gratitude creates an abundant, expansive, and open space for that conversation.

Right in Step 1, there's mutual seeing. We say something we're grateful for and we hear Love say, "That's me in that thing! It was my intent to reach out to you in a way you'd recognize and treasure." So then we say, "Wow! You must understand me and get me if you reached out the way you did." It's an exchange of deep sincerity and mutual seeing which grows into a friendship of profound trust.

Hidden in this first step is a deeper revelation leading to a new way of living (if we accept and embark on it). When it really starts to seep into our bones and soul that "Love in all things" means Love in us, when it starts to dawn on us that Love is expressing Love's self through us, just as Love expresses Love's self through the stuff that matters to us, when it even kind of clicks that we embody Love, we can hear the Divine ask if we are willing to move beyond believing we are loved, and move into loving ourselves as dearly as Love does.

There is no doubt in my mind that this invitational question is meant to push us right to the edge of our human experience, making us wrestle with issues of worthiness, shame, and regret. But that's exactly where Love wants to take us, through all of that and beyond it. A small part of this journey is exactly what the rest of the examen lays out for us, but gaze in wonder at the wonderful place where we start: gratitude, mutual seeing, and the budding knowledge of just how precious we are to God.

How incredible is that?
Pretty incredible.

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