Examen Step 3: Our Spiritual Connection is a Celebration not a Moral Scale

Playful SpiritualityExamen ToolsHope and Encouragement

Jul 15

In Step 3 of the examen, one way we notice where Love is speaking to us in our day is to pay attention to what brings us alive. We call this consolation and it describes deep connection to ourselves and the Sacred. This feels great! And it’s worth celebrating! But sometimes we equate the feeling of spiritual connection to “being good” which sets up our life and spiritual journey to be a kind of competition. We can just release this. Consolation and connection to ourselves and the Divine is not a moral scale of our worth. Read more.

Welcome to the other half of Step 3 of the examen!

Last month, we checked in on desolation, how it can feel like a part of us is missing, like we're adrift or lost, or worried, wounded, and afraid all the way down to our bones. It's not a feeling of ease,

yet, in relationship with Love, even desolation can become a kind of medicine.

But wow...it can be tough to take in and I want to honor that reality.

Arm in arm with desolation in Step 3 is consolation. On the surface, consolation is the cool one, the fun one, the thing we want to connect with so bad it hurts.

Consolation is like this awesome vibe of being in the flow, losing track of time, but somehow also being productive, feeling seen and valued just for who you are, laughing and feeling a deep sense of joy, sensing that things are good, feeling balance, connection, and respect, even if it's just a little kernel's worth in the midst of stormy life stuff.

Consolation is like...the best.

Hmm.

My mind just did a thing, a thing a lot of minds do. It equated feeling good and connected with "better-ness" which sounds super obvious, but isn't accurate. When we practice noticing without judgment (which is the backbone of Step 3) and hold consolation with equanimity, we see it is not the best.

It is not the best, the worst or anything else because consolation is not in competition with anything. It is not winning.
Consolation is not a goal we strive for.
It is not proof of our worth.
It is not a reward.

Which means something truly epic: we can notice what brings us alive and brings us into deep connection with ourselves and Spirit, we can savor it and celebrate it, but it's not a moral scale weighing our value. Our value is Infinitely Loved because we are children of Love and expressions of Love, even as we are also growing and missing the mark loads of times. Our core value is hardwired in Love.

As much as our minds might want to drive down False Equivalent Avenue concluding if we feel good, we must be good and doing good things, and if we're feeling bad, we must be bad and doing bad things, the examen asks us to remember that consolation and desolation are places where we listen. Not judge.

We are listening to Love Within in these moments. Their intense magnetism, clarity and gravity--the way they stick out as more memorable than other parts of our day-- is an invitation to linger around them a bit longer.

God speaks in all things. In consolation and desolation, God is starting a conversation.

This doesn't mean we ignore our humanity. Like every step of the examen, what happens over time with Step 3 is that we get to know ourselves better. We learn details about ourselves that help us navigate daily life and embrace our unique identity. (And that's soul info we use in discernment which is not the same as judgment.)

This means our consolations are as varied as creation is. What brings me alive (an evening baseball game, catching the sunset in the outfield, hearing laughter around me, and singing Sweet Caroline at the top of my lungs in the 7th inning) could be a serious bummer for someone else (my dad would likely prefer extensive dental work to a live baseball game). That doesn't make me right (well, it kind of does) and my dad wrong. It makes us different.

Some folx might be at a baseball game and feel more than bored or disinterested. My consolation, a ballgame, could be a deep desolation for another person, an experience filled with grief or regret or alienation. On the surface, it's "just a game" or "just a song" or "just a______", but the deeper pull to connection or disconnection tells us there's a whole lot more than what's on the surface.

And I believe Love wants to meet us there.

We were created and formed with intricate intention. I can't imagine we're supposed to be oblivious to it.

Nor are we supposed to be oblivious to Love's presence and invitation to all that we are discovering.

Step 3 is a great Both/And, a great embrace that welcomes us home to ourselves and Love.